"Here you go earthlings, take all you want but eat all you take." "Well thankyou very much Mr..." "To pronounce it correctly I would have to pull out your tung." "Uhhhhh" 160KB
"That board with the nail may have defeated us, but the humans wont stop there. They'll make bigger boards and bigger nails and soon they will make a board with a nail so big it will destroy them all. HAHAHA" 129KB
"Foolish earthling, totally unprepared for the effects of time travel. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA." "What happened to us Kotos?" "Quiet you!" 216KB
Back to the top
"Thank you for coming, I'll see you in hell, BANG!" 60KB
"I don't understand" 15KB
"Oo a head bag, those are choc full of heady goodness" 108KB
"The opportunity to prove youself a hero is long gone" 30KB
"What's the matter sir? Never have I seen you so unhappy while purchasing such a large quantity of ice cream" 62KB
"Hand over all your money in a paper bag." "Yes yes I know the procedure for armed robbery, I do work in a convenient store you know 76KB
"Back then I was known as the 5th beatle" 28KB
"We're putting that bitch on ice" 23KB
"Silly customer, you cannot hurt the twinky" 36KB
"Please come again" 10KB
"I am Apu Nahasapeemapetalon 22KB
"Hello steady customer. How are you this evening sir?" "How are you doing Apu?" 84KB
"Yes I'm sorry I do not speak english Ok" "But you were just talking eng..." "Yes yes, hotdog hotdog, yes sir, no sir, maybe, ok" 76KB
Apu sings Sargeant Pepper 38KB
apu_welfare.wav
"Put it down or I'll blow your heads off!"
"Mr Simpson, please pay for your purchases and get out and come again
"Sir I was only following standard procedure"
"I am thinking you like this girl, yes?
"Please do not offer my god a peanut"
"For the next five minutes I'm going to party like it's on sale for 19.99"
"Cowabunga
"Look at it, the craziness!"
"I don't want to live any more"
"How can I charge full price to the man whose lustful, filthy magazines kept me in business during that first shaky year? Oh by the way, here is your new edition of gigantic asses"
"Might I interest you in some of our impulse items here by the cash register?"
"Never have I partied so hearty"
"I wont lie to you in this job you will be shot at"
"Stop! She wont hold she's breaking up"
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"Yoohoo, BURP!" 29KB
"Hi Homer thanks for inviting me to your barbie-Q." "Wow Barney you brought a whole beer keg." "Yeh, where can I fill it up?" 84KB
"BURP" 7KB
"BURP" (a different type) 10KB
"From now on I'll be a knew Barnard Gumble. I'm working clean and sober." "Congratulations Barney and enjoy your grand prize, a life times supply of Duff Beer." "Oh, just hook it to my veins." 78KB
"Heh join the party, burp" 34KB
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"Your one of those, don't call me a chick chicks huh?" 39KB
"Eat my shorts" 16KB
"Fascinating" 11KB
"Aaaa, it was only a dream. Waaaaaaaa!" "Bart, is that you?" "Yes" "Take out the garbage" 85KB
"Hay Moe" 6KB
"i carumba" 15KB
"I didn't do it" 12KB
Bart and Lisa sing "Shaft" 160KB
"36, 24, 36 HaHaHa" 51KB
"It was an accident man" 15KB
"Oh sure, like I'm really gonna take a picture of my butt" 24KB
"If they're impressed by her I'm gonna bart their world" 23KB
Lisa's birthday song by Bart and Michael Jackson 522KB
"Yep, there's your answer fishbulb" 97KB
"Cool Man" 10KB
"Hi man" 6KB
"This is horrible" 18KB
"I can do that but I don't wanna" 15KB
"wooow that's good squishy, wuuuuuuuh." "What's it like bart, bart, bart?" "Blbblblblblbb" 79KB
"There's only one thing to do at a moment like this, Strut" 28KB
"What the hell?" 14KB
"Why would anyone wanna touch a girls butt" 31KB
"Whatta you want?" 8KB
"I'm Bart Simpson, who the hell are you?" 19KB
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"I hope I haven't upset you, bongo head! Hi Huh hblaa hunga hilooka blaaahungabla" "Oh I should be resisting this but I'm paralised with rage, and I like rythymns." 136KB
"The man in the bag sir I think he's alive." "Oh. Bad corpse" "AAH" "Bad corpse" "AAH" "Stop scaring Smithers. Satisfied?" "Yes sir" 101KB
"destroy him" 14KB
"Huh, Pop n Fresh. You gluttonous little dough boy" 23KB
"Excellent" 18KB
"Release the hounds" 18KB
"Why it's that delight full TV Lepracaun I'm going to get your lucky charms" 49KB
"I don't like being outdoors Smithers. For one thing there are to many fat children" 47KB
"By cutting off cable TV and the beer supply, I can insure an honest winters work out of those low lives." "Sir did you ever stop to think that maybe it was doing this that caused the previous caretakers to go insane and murder their familys?" "Mmm, perhaps. Tell you what we come back and everyone's slaughtered, I owe you a coke." 193KB
"You know Smithers I think I'll donate a million dollars to the local orphanage, when pigs fly. Hahahahahaha" "Will you be donating that million dollars know sir?" "No, I'd still prefer not" 87KB
"Hello, Smithers, Your, Quite, Good, at, Turning, Me, On" "Eh, you probably should ignore that" 112KB
"Welcome, Come in. Fresh victoms for my ever growing army of the undead" "Sir you have to let go of the button." "Oh son of a bitch" 93KB
"Dogs are idiots. Think about it Smithers, if I came into your house and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over your face what would you say?" "Mm, If you did it sir" 58KB
"So another Friday is upon us, what will you be doing Smithers? Something gay no doubt" "Wuwhat" "You know, light hearted fancy free. Mothers lock up your daughters Smithers is on the town" "Hahahahaha, exactly sir, Hahahahaha" 377KB
"Here tell me how my stocks did yesterday" "Eh...they all one" 62KB
"who the devil are you?" 46KB
"Compardrays, it is imperitive that we crush the freedom fighters before the start of the rainy season. And remember a shiny new donkey for who ever brings me the head of Curnel Montoya" 125KB
"I ought to club them and eat their bones" 58KB
Burns Laughing 40KB
"I keep my friends close, and my enemys even closer" 40KB
"It doesn't matter what your name is you idiot" 73KB
"My first dollar, thanks to you Lisa and are hemp smoking friend. Shine on you crazy diamand" 158KB
"Damnation" 12KB
"Hmm, who's that goat legged fellow, I like the cut of his Jib" "Eh, the Prince of darkness sir, he's your eleven o'clock" 47KB
"Oops, lost a nail. Well that's leprosy for you." 38KB
"Pish posh" 8KB
"As punishment for your desertion it is company policy to give you the plague" 120KB
"Have the Rolling Stones killed." "But sir those are..." "Do as I say!" 46KB
"Simpson eh" 11KB
"Ah well if it isn't the Simps" "ah uh ih Simpsons sir" "Uh Uh? Oh, Oh yes Homer and Marge Simpson. And this must be Bart Lisa and eh expecting" "Eh the card needs to be updated sir" "Well ah psm!" 126KB
"Now to the Plant. We'll take the Spruce Moose, hop in" "But sir..." Burns clicks his gun "I said hop in" 80KB
"Goodbye Springfield, from hell's heart I stab at thee" 60KB
"You call this a Super computer" 24KB
"What good is money if you can't inspire terror in your fellow man?" 47KB
"Thanks for not making fun of my Genitilia" 19KB
"15 minutes from now I will reek a terrible vengeance on this city. No one will be spared, no one!" 81KB
The entire "See my vest" song 329KB
Back to the top
"OK here we are alt dot nerd dot obsessive, Need no star rm pic" 81KB
"Can I use your bathroom?" "No you may not. The bathroom is for paying customers only. If you purchase an item you may use the bathroom" 73KB
"Ooo, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix" 54KB
"Are you the creater of High and Lois, because you are making me laugh. That drawing is worth exactly $750 american." "It's valuable huh" "Oo your powers of deduction are exceptional. I simply cannot allow you to waste the here when there are so many crimes going unsolved at this very moment, Go Go for the good of the city" 177KB
"Now I must hurry back to my comic book store where I dispense the insults rather then absorb them." 50KB
"No, now go away, we are racing for the title of champion of the universe" 37KB
Oh pardon me Santos if that is your real name Bart Simpson, but your phoney credit card is no good here. Now make like my pants and split" 102KB
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"Oh bitch,bitch,bitch" 30KB
"Think of me when your having the best sex of your life" 35KB
"Oral thermometer my eye. Think warm thoughts boy 'cause this is mighty cold" "AAAAAAAAAAH" 96KB
"Burn him" 13KB
"Dagnabbit" 12KB
"Dang" 10KB
"Doggonit" 11KB
"Death Stalks you at every turn, aaah aaah, there it is death. You know at my age the mind starts playing tricks so...aaah death. Oh, where were we? Deeeeeath!" 491KB
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"There was a little Spanish Flea, a record star he thought he'd be, he heard of singers like beatles and chipmunks he'd seen on TV, why not a little spanish flea" 272KB
"Mmmm. Ow pointy, Oooh slimy, Uh Oh moving! Ah Ha. Aw $20 dollars, I wanted a peanut." "$20 can buy many peanuts" "Explain how" "Money can be exchanged for goods and services" "Woohoo! Hehehe, wa umph!" 210KB
"Hello, Operater give me the number for 911 38KB
"To start press any key, where's the any key? 39KB
"Mmm, forbidden donut" 59KB
"Aw, there's only one can of beer left and it"s Bart's" 44KB
"Boring" 15KB
32 doh's in a row 233KB
"doh" 5KB
Another "doh" 11KB
Yet another type of "doh" 9KB
"Donuts, is there anything they can't do?" 64KB
"doh" + echo 37KB
"The other day I was so desperate for a beer I snuck into football stadium and ate the dirt under the bleachers 59KB
Yeehee I win, in your face, yeh How do you like them apples, woohoohoo hehe" 67KB
(Homer smashes down a door)"Here's Johnny...Doh!" (Homer smashes down another door) "David Letterman" "Hi David I'm grandpa" "Doh" (Homer smashes down another door) "I'm Mike Wallace, I'm Marley Sepher, and I'm Med Bradley all this and Andy Rooney tonight on sixty minutes" "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAh" 233KB
"mmm beer" 27KB
"mmm donuts" 31KB
"No TV and no beer make Homer something something" "Go crazy?" "Don't mind if I do. Awlwlwlw Wuh Wuhlwa uh wu woo wu woo wu woo vwud vwud hlalala wolololol" "AAAAAAAAh!" 191KB
"The sum of the square roots of any to sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side" "That's a right triangle you idiot" "Doh!" 80KB
"Shut up Brain or I'll stab you with a Q tip" 15KB
"Permit me to solve the mystery. Your mother has a fear of flying" "So much for the days when I could say at least my mothers normal" "Well everyone has a fear of something" "Not everybody" "Sock puppets" "Where?! Where?! Aaah Aaah! 162KB
"I'll miss you pumpkins but I just can't share your bleak world view I've got to much to live for" "We envy you Homer all we have is are music, are legions of fans, are millions of dollars and are youth. Woohoo, lets all go out and buy fur coats." "I want a walk in humidor" 207KB
"Weaseling out of things is important to learn, it's what separates us from the animals. (Pause) Except the weasel." 139KB
"Why you little.wav" 13KB
"woohoo" 7KB
"woohoo" again 13KB
"You suck diddly-uck Flanders" 22KB
"All right brain you don't like me and I don't like you but lets just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer" 44KB
"I have a feeling some bad stuff is about to go down" 28KB
"My Baloney has a first name it's H-O-M-E-R, My Baloney has a second name it's H-O-M-E-R" 69KB
"We're here, we're queer we don't want any more bears" "We're here, we're queer we don't want any more bears" 86KB
"Oh Lisa you and your stories, Bart is a vampire, Beer kills brain cells. Now let's go back to that building thingy where are blessed TV is" 131KB
"I suggest you leave immediately." "Or what you'll release the dogs or the bees or the dogs with bees in there mouth so when they bark they shoot bees at you?" 52KB
"19" "Hit me" "20" "Hit me" "21" "Hit me" "22" "Doh!" 68KB
"Hey there blimpy boy flying through the sky so fancy free" 55KB
"Woohoo! Look at that blubber fly" 41KB
"AAAAAH! Boogimen!" 13KB
"Now I'm going to burn this donut to show you how many calories it has" "NOOOOOOOO!" "The bright blue flame indicates this was a particularly sweet donut" "Ohhohohoho, this is not happening, this is not happening" 117KB
"Aw so thats whats been wrong with the little fellow, he misses casual sex" 69KB
"Kiss my curvy but gooooood bye" 27KB
"We can't lose, look at the name of the dog I bet on." "She's the fastest. Homer I don't think that means necessarily..." "And there off! She's the fastest jumps off to an insomountable lead" 128KB
"Man this place looks expensive, I feel like I'm wasting a fortune just standing here, better make the most of it...burp!" 139KB
"Here's an appealing fellow. In fact they're appealing him off the sidewalk" "Heh heh heh heh, it's funny 'cause I don't know him" 78KB
"Hello?" "Hello dean your a stupid head" "Homer is that you?" "Aaah!" 65KB
"It's hip to be square" 15KB
"You mean I shaved my bikini zone for nothing?!" 19KB
"Wooo, all this computer hacking is making me thirsty. I think I'll order a tab." 30KB
"Huh! Look at these low low prices on famous brand name electronics." "Don't be a sap Dad these are just crappy knock offs" "Pffsss, I know a genuine panaphonics when I see it. And look there's Magnet box and Sorny"
"Well what can I say, it hasn't been easy staying in my rut"
"Maybe it's the beer talking Marge but you've got a butt that won't quit. They've got these big chewy pretzels here thewwalwayswwgoodwwithwwbeeer $5?! get out of here.
"The plant called and said if you don't come in tomorrow don't bother coming in on monday." "Woohoo! Four day weekend"
"Dear Homer I owe you one emergency donut signed Homer. Bastard! He's always one step ahead of me."
"Hello, my name is Mr Burns I believe you have a letter for me." "OK Mr Burns what's your first name?" "I don't know."
"Sweet merciful crap"
"Ohhh bacon"
(Homer sings)"Call Mr Plow thats my name, that name again is Mr Plow"
(Homer sings)"Nacho Nachoman, I want to be a nacho man"
"All my life I've been an obese man trapped inside a fat man's body"
"Aaah! They're dogs and they're playing poker. Aaah Ahahaha Ahoohoohoohoo Ahahaha"
"We'll catch him or run him over trying"
"Stupid TV, be more funny!"
"In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!"
"Marge it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."
"Oh your a dead man Burns, Oh your dead, your dead Burns."
"Well what did everybody think?" "Oh gee" "Oh" (crowd mumbles some more) "Homer I can honestly say that was the best episode of Impy and Jimpy I've ever seen" "Yeh you should be very proud Homer, you eh, you got a beautiful home here"
"Yeees!"
"Well then I have a back up plan. See while the unprepared are still sitting around twiddling their thumbs and going doo doo doo doo doo doo doo (etc.)" "Dad the plan" "I'm getting to that. So anyway they're going doo doo doo doo doo doo doo(etc.)" "Dad!" "So anyway we get in are car and take the bridge out of town while all the while they're still going doo doo doo doo doo doo (etc)"
"AAAH!" 4KB
"Heh, Ganeesha, wanna peanut?" "Please do not offer my god a peanut" 75KB
Back to the top
"Aw crap!" 17KB
"Now for my favourite part of the show. What does that say? Talk to the audience, Oh G-d this is always death." 93KB
"Can I play hemeroid sufferer number one? Oo oh that hurts aa oh this there no relief?" "I don't think so." "Well how about one of the after guys? Aaa Oh thats better I can ride a bike again" "Sorry" "uuu" 117KB
Krusty laughing 13KB
Back to the top
"Bart don't you know what this means? The next time we fall asleep we could die." "Aaa welcome to my world *snore*" 88KB
"Grandpa how did you take off your underwear without taking off your pants" "I don't know" 123KB
"We are not wieners" 13KB
"I don't want your pity" 21KB
Back to the top
"Daddy"-first word 7KB
"Suck" 4KB
Back to the top
"mmm" 23KB
"I thought Springfield was America's Scrawd basket" "No, Sprinfield is America's Crud bucket at least according to newsweek." 65KB
"I'll just have a cup of coffee" "Beer it is" "No I said coffee" "Beer" "Cof-ee" "Be-er" "C,O..." "B,E" 286KB
"Don't do that" 32KB
"Homer, watch your mouth." 13KB
"Homer" 9KB
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"Hmm I wonder why he's so eager to go to the garage" "The garage, oh fellows the garage, oh la dee da mr frenchman" "Well what do you call it?" "A car hole" 122KB
"Sure Homer I can lend you all the money you need, however since you have no collateral I'm going to have to break your legs in advance." "Gosh Moe I use these all the time. Couldn't you just bash my head in" "Heh heh are you a lone Shark, do you understand how finance works? Now lets do this thing" 182KB
"Do you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns?" "No" Buzz "Aw right I did but I didn't shoot him" Ding "Checks out. Ok sir your free to go" "Good 'cause I got a hot date tonight" Buzz "A date" Buzz "Dinner with Fred" Buzz "Dinner alone" "Aw right! I'm going to sit at home and oggle the ladies in Victoria's Secret Catalog" Buzz "Seers catolog." Ding "Now will you unhook this please I don't deserve this shabby treatment" Buzz 148KB
"Yeh wait a sec I'll check" "Amanda Hugnkiss? Amanda Hugnkiss? Why can't I find Amanda Hugnkiss" "HAHAHA" "Maybe your standards are too high" "HAHAHAH" "You little S.O.B., if I ever find out who you are I'm gonna shove a sausage down your throat and stick starving dog in your butt" 131KB
"He is so stupid" 15KB
"Oh for the G-d! Somebody get the jaws of life!" 37KB
"You know what really aggravases me? Is them immigints. They want all the benefits of living in Springfield, but they aint even bothered to learn themselves the language" "Yeh those are excactly my sentimonies" "Yobodowom!" "Yeh, you said it Barn" 93KB
"Can someone tell me what the hell is going on here? Midge help me out here" "Quiet your missing the jokes" 115KB
Back to the top
"No you got the wrong number this is 912 74KB
"Well at McDonalds you can get a Krusty burger with cheese right, but they don't call it a Krusty burger with cheese." "Get out. Well what do they call it?" "A quarter pounder with cheese? Well I can picture the cheese but eh...do they Krusty partially gelatinated non dairy gum based beverages" "Yeh they call them shakes" "Huh shakes, you don't know what your getting" 179KB
"OK folks show's over nothing to see here, Shows o...my G-d a horrible plane crash! Heh everybody get a load of this flaming reckage. Come on crowd around, crowd around, don't be shy, crowd around" 91KB
"You know one day honest citizens are going to stand up to you crooked cops" "They are? Oh no! Have they set a date?!" 89KB
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"I bent my wookie" 35KB
"And when the doctor said I didn't have worms anymore that was the happiest day of my life" 73KB
"Hi Lisa, we're gonna be in a pie" 29KB
I ate all my caps" Bang "ooh! 31KB
"My face is on fire!" 18KB
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"Heh ma, look at that pointy haired little girl, Hugaw" 47KB
"Heh Brandeen, you might could where these to your job interview" "And scuff up a topless dancing runway? Naw you best bring em back where from you got em" "OK" 124KB
"Hot dang! No more sitting in the dirt in the drive in" 42KB
"Heh Brandeen, you could where this shirt to work." "Oh Cletus, you know I gotta where the shirt what Derrick Queen give me" 72KB
First part of Cletus Song 150KB
Second part of Cletus Song 152KB
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"Hi I'm actor Troy Mclure. You might remember me from such drivers ed films as Alices adventures through the windshield glass and the decapitation of Larry Ledfoot" 80KB
Hello I'm Troy Mclure. You may remember me from such Fox network specials as Alien nose job and five fabulous weeks of the Chebby Chase Show" 114KB
"I'm Troy Mclure and I'll leave you with what we all came here to see, hardcore nudity!" 72KB
Hi I'm Troy Mclure. You might remeber me from such Public Service videos as designated drivers - the life saving nerds and Phoney tornado alarms reduce readiness" 111KB
The drzeaus song when Troy plays in the planet of the Apes 419KB
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"Uh Oh. My eyes! The goggles do nothing!" 124KB
"Jay my new film is a mixture of action and comedy. It's called "McBain, lets get silly" 50KB
"That is some outfit Scowy. It makes you look like a homosexual" "Boooooh" "Oh maybe you all are homosexuals too" "Boooooh" 124KB
"Up and atom" "Up and at them" (louder)"Up and atom" "Up and at them" (louder)"Up and atom!" "Up and at them!" "Better" 115KB
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"Uhh, ya silk wearing buttercup" 20KB
"And that's how Willie waters. Now you take the hoose..." "The moose?" "The hoose the hoose!" "Is this right?" "Aaaah, turn off the noosel!" "The noodles, what noodles?" "The noosel at the end of the hoose." 112KB
"The students are over stimulated. Willie remove all the coloured chalk from the classrooms." "I warned ya, didn't I warn ya? That coloured chalk was forged by Lucifer himself." 109KB
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"Hi everybody!" "Hi Dr. Nick" 38KB
"These gloves came free with my toilet brush" 47KB
"Hi everybody!" "Ho mer simpson" "Ok, that was a little strange" 59KB
"Hi everybody!" 18KB
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"Ahoy!" (Bart blows up a balloon) "Have you seen this man?" "Arr, that's Handsome Pete, he dances for nickles. Pete, you got some customers" (Pete plays the accordian, and bart blows up the balloon so it looks more like Krusty) "No, we're looking for this man Krusty the Clown" 214KB
"Yar, I'm not attractive" 40KB
"Tis no man, tis a remorseless eating machine, arr" 46KB
"Arr this picture will serve me well on those lonely nights at sea" 33KB
"Arr, have you tried the baltic squid, they can suck the bolts out of a submarine's hul" 51KB
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"HaHa!" 13KB
"Aa! That stunk" 25KB
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"My name is otto, I love to get blotto." 184KB
"Alcohol increases your abilty to drive" 39KB
"Coool!" 25KB
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"You can't seriously want to ban alcohol? It tastes great, makes women appear more attractive, and makes a person virtually invonerable to criticism" 92KB
"I admit I used the city treasury to fund the murder of my enemy, but as Gabbo would say: I'm a bad little boy" "Yey" 107KB
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